breaking news: Anna Nicole Smith still dead

I mean, Christ, we’re doomed, aren’t we? And I’m not even sure I care anymore. Sure, condolences to the handful of people -- comparatively speaking, when weighed against the 300 million people in the U.S. alone -- who actually cared for this woman. But come on. The major networks are devoting all their efforts at the moment to covering the demise of a bimbo whose great claims to fame were that she took her clothes off for a magazine and fucked a guy more than three times her age. How is this news again?

Meanwhile:

• BAGHDAD, Iraq --A U.S. airstrike Thursday killed 13 insurgents in a volatile area west of Baghdad, the military said. Local officials said 45 civilians, including women and children, died in the attack.

• WASHINGTON - Four of the world's top physical scientists told Congress on Thursday that there's little doubt the world is getting warmer because of mankind's influences. They painted a dire portrait of rising sea levels, worsening storms and widespread droughts, which they said could result if humanity doesn't change its ways.

• An influential lawmaker says the United States and its international partners need to plan for possible deployment of a peacekeeping force to protect civilians in Darfur, without the permission of Sudan's government, if diplomacy fails.

But everything’s fine. It’s fine. Nothing of import is going on in the world today, so even though we are a nation of children who cannot utter the word vagina without trembling, we can afford to spend valuable network broadcast and cablecast hour in slavish devotion to a woman who did nothing but use her hoohah as a moneymaker.

This is the best we deserve. We’re doomed.

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