It’s 9pm on the East Coast on Tuesday, May 9, 2006, and the poor geek without TiVo faces a dilemma: do I keep watching Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America on ABC, or do I switch over to House on Fox?
House is geeky, sure -- who doesn’t love a snarkier-than-thou, smarter-than-thou wiseass misanthrope? -- and House is geeky, sure, all that science and stuff. But I think I’ll stick with the bird-flu flick, cuz, holy crap, is it scaring me, or what. Makes me wish that Stu Redman was around to make us feel like everything was gonna be okay, that at least Molly Ringwald would survive, dammit.
But no: instead, we have the ABC producers reassuring us that this is all completely accurate, as one explained to the New York Post:
"We feel we're providing a level of awareness and we've gone to great effort to make sure the film is accurate," co-producer Judith Verno said. "We've included a lot of information we believe people need to know."
Yaaaaaaaa!
No Stu! Here, as a consolation prize, we have Joely Richardson telling us that we’re in for a “a long and brutal ordeal that will rip apart the fabric of society.” Crap. Oh, and coffee will be $19 a pound, if you can find it, after the pandemic hits. And suburban housewives will fight over a bottle of water like it was a $19 VCR at Wal-mart the day after Thanksgiving.
We are so fucked. It’s totally natural that Fatal Contact -- which keeps making me think that Sharon Stone as the hot CDC doctor is gonna flash her crotch at us -- is gonna give me nightmares about this dude:
And TV Squad reminds us that ABC is the same network that scared the shit outta us Xers when we were kids with The Day After. (And they brought to life Randall Flagg and Captain Tripps, too, didn't they?) Thanks, guys. Thanks a bunch.
(images from The Stand swiped from InfiniteCoolness.com)
UPDATE: 9:58pm, as Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America ends: I'm gonna go to bed and burrow under the covers and not wake up till around 2026, if that's okay with everyone...
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