Join the Church of William Shatner

Minor supplicants may, of course, join his science-fiction DVD movie club. Doubters may be forced to consume the History Channel documentary airing this weekend called -- are you ready for this? -- How William Shatner Changed the World. It has nothing to do with bedding green-skinned Orion slave girls -- it is, naturally, the not-so-groundbreaking stuff about scientists were so inspired by Star Trek that they went into their labs and/or garages and made all this cool shit, like cell phones and Tang, that we take for granted today. Which is cool and all, but hardly breaking news. Which is why it’s on The History Channel, I suppose.

But much more notable is what Shatner has to say in an ABC News article about the documentary:

"I've always had sort of an ironic view of life," the 75-year-old Shatner said. "My belief system is that when this is over, it's over. That you don't look down from heaven and wait for your loved ones to join you. There may be some soul activity, but I'm not sure about that. But what I am sure about is that your molecules continue and in due time become something else. That's science.

"And that works for me. So that if this is it, you better take it at its right proportion. That there are serious things, but most things are temporal and ephemeral, and you should cultivate that attitude. That joy and love and all the verities are what counts. So I try not to take too many things seriously, and if I find myself caught up in the seriousness of the moment, within a period of time, I'm able to cajole myself out of it."

Who else is perfectly positioned to create the ultimate geek religion, which combines veneration of science with worship of a pop culture icon? Shatner! Our molecules continue...

Not that it’s all sweetness and light:

"Technology has brought us to this point of self-destruction," Shatner said. "It's the dichotomy of our curiosity and greed, which are hardwired greed, because we had to survive because we were always hungry, so we had to gather things, and curiosity, which brought us out of the trees.

"In small amounts, they're the difference between us and the rest of the animal world. In large amounts, they're causing the destruction of everything. And I think technology has put us in a position of destroying the planet as we know it, and us along with it. I'm very pessimistic about the future of mankind based on all the things that are going on now and our lack of will to correct it."

I mean, Wooooowwww. Curiosity and greed. It brought us out of the trees and it is our doom. It’s so, like, deep.

And I’m only half kidding.

Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod! The History Channel is running a sweepstakes, the prize of which is the opportunity to prostrate oneself before The Kirk!

If you’re not sure if Shatnerology is for you, then take the simple Standardized Should I Stalk William Shatner Test. It reveals all.

And lest you doubt The Kirk’s divinity, please note that people are already buying Shatner relics, and he’s not even dead yet.

All hail Shatner the Wise, Shatner the Kirk.